Why ME? : 5 stages of grief Heather's journey thru grief process

 

for a lot of people these words trigger fear, anger, depression.
 

 
what did I do wrong?

I went through this same reaction, I am a religous person and started to question my beliefs... My Best friend (and founder of secureacure4ms) told me, Heather, this is very natural.Your life is changing, and you will learn to accept it.  If your think about it... you are griving your old self...sooon you will accept your new normal.  Once you accept it, you can start living your life again.  AND SHE IS RIGHT!!!!

I thought I would share with you the Grieving process  - Is this what you went through or are going through?  Have you completed all of the steps?  If you havent reached #5, its important that you get there so that you can start living your life to its fullest. If you havent gotten there yet and are having a hard time reaching that step, please talk to Sharon and I and we will try to help you reach that stage either by talking to you or referring you to our well respected resources. 


Here are the 5 stages of grief and how I personally handled each stage -

1. SHOCK and DENIAL

 


I have been diagnosed with what? 

no that cant be right, no one in my family has MS

my doctor is wrong, i am just tired, clumbsy..etc

I may lose my ability to walk?

What do you mean no  CURE?

I am too young to have an incurable debilitating disease

I may have to quit working in near future because of this disease? this disease is going to get me fired as its already screwed things up.

 
2. PAIN and FEELING OF GUILT

 

I brought this upon myself as  I was mean to my brothers growing up. 

 I didnt care about anyone but myself.  

I didnt help enough people.  

I am being punished. 

If I had gone to the doctor more.

If I had not eaten that cupcake and lost weight. 

If I had only exercised more. 

I am too quick to  judge and label people.  


3. ANGER/BARGAINING

What i have done in my life cant be that bad?

What did I do that was sooo horrible?

 I never committed a crime, went to jail..there are murderers on the streets who are fine...why am I being punished?
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I promise to be a better person. 

I promise to put my friends and family first if you take this away

I promise I promise I promise..


4. DEPRESSION,  FEELING OF LONELINESS

Everyone is leaving me.  no one understands. 

They tell me "I look good" but dont really understand what is going on inside, 

There is no one for me to talk to. 

My priorities in life have been all wrong and now its too late 

I cant do anything anymore because I have MS

I have placed work before what is truly important in my life.

OMG I cant tell people at work 

Money doesnt bring me happiness...just material things that i dont really need. 


5. ACCEPTANCE of DISEASE
(my best friend Sharon got me to this stage - thank you Sharon)

I am done living in my lonliness. I am done being Angry.  I am done feeling Guilty.  I am done with all the negativity.  DONE DONE DONE.

I am NOT to blame for this 

I am STILL me. 

MS does not define me as a person. 

I can take charge of my life and be the ME I am meant to be.

I am not going to limit my life anylonger

I am meant to advocate for MS - hence Sharon and I started SecureACure4MS

 I am Hopeful and Believe that a cure is out there,

I no longer say "WHY ME?" its now

SecureACure4MS's motto is:

Never give in, ADAPT

 

A-Attitude - have a positive attitude
D- Determination
A- Aspiring - want for a cure
P- Perseverance -  be a warrior

T- Thankful - for all the research, discoveries and new treatment options available to us.  Thankful for our amazing families and friends

 
When I accepted that I am not MS Heather and looked at myself as Heather who has MS... my world changed.  It will for you too.  MS doesnt define you, it just explains a few things.  Before I say, I CAN'T DO THAT... I look at the situation and Try...maybe I cannot do it the same way as before, but I can probably still do it, just have to find a different way to go about it.

example.. after my diagnosis, I went on a trip to Niagara Falls.  I love that place, its very beautiful.  It was a very HOT day.  Normally I would just carry a bottle of water and be ok.  But I learned that I need to watch my body temperature.  So any opportunity I had to go inside of a store of gift shop allow the walk of the falls, I did.  I made sure I always had ICE Cold water on hand.  This allowed me to keep my core body temperature low so that I could enjoy the glorious beauty of the falls.  I could have easily said I cannot go out because it was too hot.  Instead I tried some different things first.  It worked for ME. 

The other thing on my trip is there are many observation points on the walk where you climb some stairs to reach these areas.  These are great places to take pictures and just observe its beauty.  With all the walking and the heat I was having trouble climbing the steps to these observation points.  What I found were wheelchair ramps and utitlized them...it allowed me to walk up the points and not burn excess energy.    

NEVER GIVE IN - ADAPT

 

Dont forget to enjoy your life and be present in your life. When you are truly living life, the ride is so much more FUN!!!